Crash and Burn
by Max2019
Summary: A love between two friends that transcends illness. (Jack and Joey friendship)
1. The Possibility of Death

Monica Lau

Crash and Burn: The Possibility of Death

Disclaimer:I don't, nor I ever will, own the characters written in this story.They are the creation of Kevin Williamson and belong to him as well as Columbia Tristar and the WB.I did not kidnap them and hold them for ransom.Get real!This is not Air Force One!One more thing, the song "Crash and Burn" is the brilliant work of Savage Garden.

Author's Note:It's my first attempt at writing fanfic, so if you cannot prevent yourself from either breaking out in hysterical laughter or tears, can you please at least tell me what you think?

When you feel all alone

And the world has turned its back on you

Give me a moment please to tame your wild, wild heart

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you

It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold

When darkness is upon your door

And you feel like you can't talk anymore

Let me be the one you call

If you jump I'll break your fall

Lift you up into the night

If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash and burn

You're not alone

At first it was just pure shock.I had no idea that I could be one of them.Actually, it is quite naïve of me to think that I wouldn't be one of them considering that my mother was also a victim of this disease.Now I will be one of them too – a statistic.

I still remember the day that changed my life forever.Jack had just gone to work and I had just woken up.It had only been a year since Dawson's death and Jack knew it.He knew that I would remember, just like I remembered my mother's passing.He knew that I wasn't over it, nor shall I ever be entirely over it, so he gave me the time and the space to cope.

Jack and I were…or rather, are…the best of friends.Ever since Dawson had died, Jack has been living with me.We were the poster couple for the Will and Grace's of the world.Initially, it was only a temporary situation.Jack hadn't intended to stay with me for more than a year, but I wanted him to stay with me.I didn't know why, but for the second time in my life, the first being Dawson, I felt like I was a home when I was with him.

That morning when he left for work, I was in the shower, trying to wash away all of the pain, all of the anger.It was as if the more I thought about it, the more it hurt.And it was then when I felt it – a hard, painless mass that bore irregular edges.That was when it hit.Everything went black.

Jack found me on the floor of the shower with the water still running.Apparently he had called several times due to the fact that I hadn't gone to work that morning.He was so worried that he stopped by the apartment during the lunch hour.When he saw me on the floor he frantically tried to wake me and when he did, an immediate look of concern registered on his face."What happened?" he asked me as he wrapped a robe around me and helped me on the couch. Not a single word escaped from my shivering body."You're trembling Jo, tell me what happened."

"Did you know that it took us exactly thirty seven minutes to get to the hospital from my mother's grave?" I said.

"What?" he asked me perplexed at my sudden comment within regards to Dawson's death.

"Dawson didn't see the other guy and before we knew it he was lying on his deathbed.A result of a hit-and-run," I rambled on."Ironic isn't it?That of all days, today is the day that I find out I might suffer the same fate of my mother.The anniversary of my mother's and Dawson's death."Jack put his arm around me and I continued."I'm sick Jack, I know it.It serves me right, doesn't it?Just when the too tall girl down the creek has regained some sort of order in her life that she finds a lump on her breast."That was all it took for me to completely break down in Jack's arms.

"Shh, shh, it's okay Jo.Everything's going to be all right," Jack replied."You don't know for sure that it's anything anyway.It could just be some sort of bizarre mosquito bite for all we know, okay?Everything will be just fine."

"How do you know Jack?I mean, how can I be sure that I'm not dying right this instant?That I could be walking the fine line between life and death?Huh?How do you know?"By the time I got those words out, I was shouting at him and punching him.

"Jo, calm down.Shh, shh, we don't know…yet, that is.And we won't know for sure until we check it out."He took me in his comforting arms and held me until I was ready to let go."We'll call the doctor right now, okay?Whatever happens, I'm here. You're not alone."And that was it.Just one simple phone call and my life turned into one whirlwind roller coaster ride. 


	2. Walking in the Shadow of Death

Crash and Burn: Walking in the Shadow of Death

Disclaimer:I don't, nor I ever will, own the characters written in this story.They are the creation of Kevin Williamson and belong to him as well as Columbia Tristar and the WB.I did not kidnap them and hold them for ransom.Get real!This is not Air Force One!One more thing, the song "Crash and Burn" is the brilliant work of Savage Garden.

Author's Note:It's my first attempt at writing fanfic, so if you cannot prevent yourself from either breaking out in hysterical laughter or tears, can you please at least tell me what you think?

When you feel all alone 

And a loyal friend is hard to find 

You're caught in a one-way street 

With the monsters in your head 

When hopes and dreams are far away and 

You feel like you can't face the day 

Let me be the one you call 

If you jump I'll break your fall 

Lift you up into the night 

If you need to fall apart 

I can mend a broken heart 

If you need to crash and burn 

You're not alone 

I never noticed just how bleak a hospital really was – the cold corridors leading to separate offices that resembled small chambers of doom.Jack and I sat in unpleasant plastic chairs as we braced ourselves for the worst.The doctor had examined my medical history and performed a physical examination, which included a very uncomfortable mammogram, a few days before.

I was staring blankly out at the window when the door opened and the doctor entered the room.There was enough tension rising that you could have cut it with a knife."Good morning Joey, Jack," Dr. Fielding greeted."We just received the results of Joey's tests and…" Jack squeezed my hand, "we have come to an unfortunate conclusion…Joey's suspicions were correct.She does indeed have breast cancer."My heart shattered into a million pieces and my mind began to spiral.It couldn't be.I couldn't be dying.It's too soon.I haven't lived enough."We could start treatment immediately.Luckily, she is only in the earlier stages of cancer and the survival rate is a favorable 88%.We can fight this Joey," she assured me.But her words provided me with little solace.All I could picture was the single image of my dying mother wasting away in the hospital 14 years ago.

"Joey?Jo?Are you all right?" Jack asked me.

"Yeah, I'm fine.Let's do this.Let's fight this thing," I replied.I turned to him and attempted to smile but deep down inside, I was empty.I hadn't felt this way since Dawson's death.

"Okay then, we'll start you up on a round of chemotherapy," Dr. Fielding said."It is a treatment with anticancer drugs that may be given intravenously, injected into a vein, or by mouth.The drugs will then travel through the bloodstream to reach the cancer cells anywhere in the body.Chemotherapy is given in cycles, with each period of treatment followed by a recovery period.The total course of chemotherapy lasts three to six months depending on the regimens used.Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, I'm sure," I responded half-heartedly.

I went home that night thinking that this couldn't be happening to me, that it was some sort of mistake that the doctors made and the Jack was right.It was just some bizarre mosquito bite that not even medical experts with so-called Yale degrees could pinpoint.And all of that piled up anger was unleashed at Jack in the middle of Central Park."How could this be happening to me?This isn't happening to me!I'm not sick!I'm NOT SICK!" I screeched at the top of my lungs.I picked up a rock and forcefully threw it at a tree."I'M NOT SICK!"I shot a pleading look at Jack.He was just standing there, alone, staring at me throwing a fit, not looking judgmental or condescending.He stood there, allowing me to throw my tantrum."Why aren't you stopping me and assuring me that everything's going to be all right?"

"Oh I see, you want the 'Everything will be a stroll in the park' speech, no pun intended, don't you?Well, I can't give it to you.It's going to be hard and you're not going to like it.But as soon as you move pass this denial stage and onto the anger stage, the happier we both will be," he replied smugly.

"Is this your amateur psychiatrist knows best moment?" I asked him playfully, forgetting my impulsive outburst.

"Well, I have one in me every now and then.I was a psych major remember?"I lightheartedly punched him."So I guess it's safe to say that you've passed the anger stage too, correct?"I rolled my eyes at him."Well, break out the champagne.Thank God that wasn't going to be drawn out like a Dawson and Joey breakup, filled with all the anger and resentment."My face fell as I heard those words and tears immediately started to flow from my eyes."Oh my gosh, Jo, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to…"

For a brief moment I thought forgot all about my illness.I forgot about all of the pain.But like I said, for a brief moment.Once he said those words, I couldn't bear it any longer – the pain and the inevitable suffering shot though me like a thousand daggers and the memories came flooding back.I ran all the way back to the apartment, away from the sickness, away from the agony, away from Jack.I ran as far as I could, as fast as I could because for the first time in my life, I felt utterly alone in the world. 


	3. The Thin Line Between Life and Death

Crash and Burn: The Line Between Life and Death

Disclaimer:I don't, nor I ever will, own the characters written in this story.They are the creation of Kevin Williamson and belong to him as well as Columbia Tristar and the WB.I did not kidnap them and hold them for ransom.Get real!This is not Air Force One!One more thing, the song "Crash and Burn" is the brilliant work of Savage Garden.

Author's Note:It's my first attempt at writing fanfic, so if you cannot prevent yourself from either breaking out in hysterical laughter or tears, can you please at least tell me what you think?

Because there has always been heartache and pain 

And when it's over you'll breathe again 

You'll breathe again 

When you feel all alone 

And when the world has turned its back on you 

Give me a moment please 

To tame your wild, wild heart 

Let me be the one you call 

If you jump I'll break your fall 

Lift you up into the night 

If you need to fall apart 

I can mend a broken heart 

If you need to crash and burn 

You're not alone

It has been one week since the last round of chemotherapy and I have suffered everything from vomiting to loss of appetite, to loss of hair, and to fatigue.I have been to hell and back and that was not the worst part.I have fallen into a perpetual state of melancholy – a deep sadness or hopelessness.Some people called it heartbreak and the professionals diagnosed it as depression.Just what I need to have on my rapidly piling plate, another viscous disease to ward off.

Jack came home every day and asked me how my day was and I always responded in the same manner, "Vomited, didn't eat, and reflected on the fact that I will never get better.I will never live to see another day through the eyes of a healthy 28 year-old."

"Don't lose hope Joey, you'll get better.You're a fighter, not a quitter," Jack replies every time.

"Well, I can't even tell the difference these days," I counter and then I pop an antidepressant.

One time Jack even caught me on the ledge on the rooftop of the apartment building.I was contemplating whether or not I should jump – whether I could endure another round of chemotherapy before going into radiation.Jumping appeared to be the only recourse at that moment.I couldn't take the curves that was being thrown at me, I felt like my life wasn't worth living."Joey!Jo, don't even think about jumping!It's not funny," Jack shouted from behind me.

"Why?I heard it was a painless death.That from the point my body collides with the pavement is only a matter of seconds and that I wouldn't feel a single thing.So tell me Jack, what have I got to lose?What do I have to live for?" I challenged him."Give me one sensible reason off the top of your head why I shouldn't jump!"

"I…uh…," he stammered.

"Yeah, I figured."I turned around and shrugged at him.

"…uh…I…me," he stated simply.

"You?"

"Yeah, me.I have been with you through the beginning.The ups, the downs, Dawson's death, your promotion.We laughed together, we cried together.You're my best friend in the whole world and I can't imagine life without you.So if you jump, I jump," and with that he climbed onto the ledge.

I turned to face him."You jump, I jump?"I couldn't in good conscience sacrifice another's life just to make myself feel better, and the fact that the other person was Jack was even more disconcerting, so I got down from the ledge and started to break down in tears.I have been doing that a lot lately and he was always there to console me.He came down as well and wrapped his protective arms around me and I cried on his shoulder for what seemed like the hundredth time.I started to chuckle.

"What's so amusing about you crying and ruining my new Calvin Klein?" he asked.

"Besides the fact that you just let your true homosexual status shine through with your last statement, but the 'you jump, I jump'?Jack this isn't Titanic.You must be the world's cheesiest negotiator.And remind me to never let you watch Titanic again?"


	4. Coping With Death

Crash and Burn: Coping With Death

Disclaimer:I don't, nor I ever will, own the characters written in this story.They are the creation of Kevin Williamson and belong to him as well as Columbia Tristar and the WB.I did not kidnap them and hold them for ransom.Get real!This is not Air Force One!One more thing, the song "Crash and Burn" is the brilliant work of Savage Garden.

Author's Note:It's my first attempt at writing fanfic, so if you cannot prevent yourself from either breaking out in hysterical laughter or tears, can you please at least tell me what you think?

Dear Jack,

Ever since I was a kid, I've always dreamed of being the girl in those fairy tales where you meet a prince in shining armor, fall madly in love, and live happily ever after.I wanted to have someone who would love me everlastingly and would never let me go.I was pretty sure that was Dawson.And when he died, so did a part of me.

Throughout the years you filled that hollowness in my life.You were my family, my confidante, and my best friend.You were there at the best of times and at the worst.When I found out that I had cancer, you were there.I guess I never thanked you for that, so thank you.

Your continual support and love has helped me appreciate what was left of my life and accept that I was sick.You helped me learn and grow through the experience and for that I'm forever in debt to you.You taught me to move on and be thankful for the better things in life.

Jack, for the longest time I have been sick.I'm tired of being sick.I'm sick of being sick.I don't want to fight any more.Please don't hate me.

You once said that I was a fighter and that I would never give up.Well, you're partially correct.I'm not giving up, but I know that I'm not getting any better.But what you said about me being a fighter was you.It was you all along.You fought for me.

You defended me from my demons.

When I felt alone, and the world has turned its back on me, you were there to tame my heart.You provided me with relief and encouraged me to share my thoughts and feelings when I felt like the walls were closing in on me.You were the first I called.You broke my fall.You mended my broken heart every time I fell apart.And when I crashed and burned, you were there.I wasn't alone.You were one in a million – a loyal friend.You fought the monsters in my head and when I felt like my hopes and dreams were far away and I didn't feel like facing another day, you were there.

Jack, I learned a lot about true friendship and loyalty with you and now it's time that others too can do the same.There has always been heartache and pain in my life and because of me you will feel a dose of it too.

I'm writing this to you in hopes that in my passing you will not hold on to me, that you would let go.Grieve for me, but always remember that I'm with Dawson and my mom now.I'm in a better place where there is no pain.

I haven't seen my dad and sister for the longest time.I remember the places which surround the B&B in Capeside, especially the park where you brought me on our first date.You taught me something that night.You taught me that two energies colliding could make a greater thing and that's what I think we were.Two people who shared the deepest of friendships.We connected on every level.

Take care of Bessie, Alex, Pacey, Andie, and Jen for me okay?Gosh, I miss my mom so much.I remember visiting her grave with you.I think I'll be buried there.Please don't miss me.I love you.You were the best friend that a girl could have. 

All my love,

Joey

P.S. We were so "Will and Grace" don't you think?


End file.
